The awaking

Surrounded by people and yet lonely within my thoughts, smiling to this and that but my mind is really beyond the beyond.
What have I done, she asks her self ? How did I reach rock bottom?  How did my life took this turn to hell?
Millions of questions and yet not a single answer.

Starting the engine and driving to her favorite spot “the beach”. Setting there gazing at the blue sky wondering what should I do now, how do I pull my self from the underlying of hell? My dreams where did they go? they were as far as the horizon!!

A tear ran out of her eyes on her wasted years, so she took a deep breath and laid down on the bench facing the endless skies with the waves as music to calm her down, And the wind to play in her long dark hair.

She fall a sleep with these thoughts hunting her mind and her dream started to take her to the Beginning of all…

Cries behind the cradle, a lovely voice says hash-sh baby hash mommies got you. A baby girl running along the garden laughing as the wind tickles her pink cheeks, she was tailed by a couple who was laughing as she crumbles and fall on the flowered ground as well as she stumble to get back on her tiny feet then runs to them yelling  “daddy” and throw her mini  body into his wide open arms.

A young girl carrying her back bag jumping the streets among her friends complaining about how horrible the science teacher was today and which friend house they are going to gather in this evening. There laughter reached the skies until a white medium sized house with a lovely garden in the front filled with pink and white flowers, so peaceful it appears, she runs in waving goodbye to her friends while she is greeted with the most lovely smile in the world saying “how was your day honey?” She replays “it was okay” and rushes to her room where she stayed years.

College, parks , clubs ,classes and assignments, girls photos, laughter and happiness flashes appeared here and there, a boy then a wedding that little girl is in a beautiful gown, flowers every where, doves flying, vows taking, it was such a beautiful picture.

Black, darkness, nothing to see, she was falling from a high bottomless cliff, she simply kept falling into the darkness with nothing to hold on,a light to see with, she was just falling in pitch black.

“Woof, woof” a sound made her soul jump out of the dusky nightmare back to her sensible reality, she sat with her heart racing and her big hazel eyes gazing and all she see is white, too much light, its not until few long seconds till her heart settled down and her vision came to clarity. “its just a dog” she said, smiling to him whispering “Thank you my Savior”.

She took a moment there to regain her conscious and see that its almost sun set where the waves got higher and the weather got much colder, but that as it may she stayed carelessly staring at the horizon just as some one in a fatal challenge. A while later she buckled down on the bench looking at the colorful sky, a mix feeling she could not understand, a single tear dropping down her eye along with a cold shriveling smile.

She said to her self ” that’s it , that was my life?! where is the rest of it? What happened?“. She kept staring at the sky for a long time repeating “I am at the bottom of life,  I’m falling into the deepest shadows far from my desired dreams . Sinking down facing the dark surrounding above me, reaching my hands to nothing but a thread of failures that broke me bit by bit. Was it my luck that lead me to this meaningless-empty life or was it my own unwise decisions and actions that did that to me? Am I my own enemy or the life is against me or perhaps there was a third party who wanted me to fail!”.

It was then when she realized that things must change and she must flip the universe and make it work for her, to make it an inhabited world where she fulfill her dreams, and expel all the darkness and bad influences. With a deep breath she mumbled
” what worse could happen ! And after all this falling I have nothing to loose and there is no where to look but up toward my unfulfilled dreams“.

Gathered her strength and sat straight facing the horizon and continued ” this is not me, I’m coming back, ill change the past and will rewrite my own destiny and no one shall and no one will get the opportunity to break me and cut my wings, I shall fly and I will surly fly the horizon. For as today i am bending all the ruthless life rules to be In my favor and will stand back on my feet cutting loose all the anchors that sank me into this dark valley and fly toward the infinite skies where my dreams are. This is a pact i take upon my self” .

By the night falling  she stood strongly up on her feet and screamed to the limitless horizon ” Game on” making a fist with her hand and a persistence challenging smile on her face ” Lets play“.

Bentalsalem